What do you do when your girlfriend tells you mid-coitus that she thinks you’re gay?
‘I Think I’m Gay’ is an 18-minute short film directed by Matt Chupack. It stars Zach (Miles Tagtmeyer) whose life gets upended when performance anxiety in bed leads to a life-shattering accusation: his girlfriend, Amy (Rebecca Goldstein), says she thinks he’s gay, and Zach wonders if she’s right.
Curious to know more? Read on.
‘I Think I’m Gay’ starts out hot and raunchy with Zach and his girlfriend, Amy, engaging in coitus. There seems to be a problem though, because no matter what they try to do, whatever the position is, they can’t seem to get into the mood and Zach is, for the lack of a better word, flaccid.
Amy seems to have had it because he stops what Zach is trying to do and tells him that she has been with a lot of guys so she knows. Zach tells her that she does not care that she’s easy (Guffawing!) but Amy counters point blank that she thinks he is gay.
Zach is stupefied at Amy’s judgment and stutters out a delayed denial. Amy counters that it is why he has a “whiskey dick” which Zach denies once again only for Amy to say, yes, because he has a “gay dick.”
Amy starts to dress up but Zach begs for her acceptance that he is absolutely not gay because his dick wants her. Amy claims her friends warned her that he’s gay. Zach asks which ones and Amy says he hasn’t met them which Zach says is exactly his point. Amy retorts that they know they met at SoulCycle which, if you do not know, is a cardio-forward cycling workout class. Amy leaves but not before telling him he has got to figure himself out.
Zach ends up telling the story to his gay friend, Kyle. He says that he thinks he’s too old to turn out to be gay since he’s already a grown adult. Still, Kyle answers that it’s different for everybody, some people find out after marriage and kids, and some are born “gold star gays” which means they never had sex with a woman, or “platinum star gays” which means they find vaginas so revolting they got out into the world via C-section. There is a lot to unpack in that statement but let’s reserve that for another day.
Zach asks Kyle if he thinks he’s gay and he hasn’t realized it yet. Kyle asks if he himself hasn’t considered he might like men. Zach asks how Kyle knew he was gay and Kyle said he knew at eighth grade when he would look at the other boys’ junks in the locker room. Kyle tells Zach that just because he can’t get hard with a girl, that doesn’t automatically make him gay because there’s more to it.
Kyle then introduces Zach to his friends, Sandy and Drew. Drew immediately tells Zach that he needs to get boned by another guy to be able to tell and after that, he wouldn’t have to waste his time with vaginas, he says with a grimace on his face. We have got to talk about the misogynistic implications of gay guys finding women’s bodies revolting later.
Sandy adds that sexuality is about intimacy and passion, and with whom you choose to share it. Drew counters that that’s not true because being gay is a “skill.” Drew then introduces Zach to “brunch with the gays” or the equivalent of “straight people in the school cafeteria.” Okay, that was funny.
Drew introduces Zach to the different types or stereotypes of gay guys— the bears (hairy), the otters (diet version of bears), and the twinks (like plastics: barely sane and barely legal). Zach is overwhelmed but Kyle tells him it’s pretty intuitive to know about these things. Who else cackling at this Mean Girls-esque scene?
The four go back to Zach’s place to talk about the possibility of Zach finding a guy to date to find out more about himself. Drew suggests they take him to the gay bar, Church. Zach is initially apprehensive but gets eventually convinced to go but not without an outfit makeover from the three.
Watch ‘I Think I’m Gay’ on GagaOOLala.
